Tosin Amuda
In the ebbing moments of each passing year, we find ourselves reflecting on the memories that have etched themselves onto the canvas of our lives. Some of these memories shine brightly, while others are shadowed by sorrow. As 2023 draws to a close, my family and I find ourselves leaning heavily on the somber side, marked by the profound loss of my mother. Her departure has left an indelible mark on our hearts, reminding us of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing every moment.
Let's rewind a bit to 2022's Christmas, my wife and I orchestrated a surprise for my parents, appearing unannounced on Christmas day after claiming we wouldn't make it. The joy reflected on the faces of my mum, dad, siblings, and cousins was heartwarming. Given my work in Lagos, a six-hour journey from home, such visits occur just once a year. The weight of this reality struck me when I stumbled upon a blog post or tweet, suggesting that annual visits translate to only 20 opportunities before a parent's potential passing—a sobering truth considering my mum's age of 60, leaving me with approximately 10 visits.
Intentions to alter this pattern and increase visit frequency were futile. Last year's Christmas became the final chapter of face-to-face moments with my mum. Her health declined, and she eventually passed away, leaving a profound void in our lives.
Returning home this Christmas, I held onto the hope that my mum would once again revel in the joy of our presence. Deep down, I knew it was a wishful thought, but the longing to feel that happiness again was strong.
In the storm of grief, my Christian faith and close friendships were my guiding lights. They helped me through the darkest times after my mother's passing. The lesson of acceptance, rooted in my faith, became vital. My wife's embrace, the bonds with family, and the support from the Ajisafes, Fagbemis, Amudas, and our extended clans from Oka and Erijiyan were my anchors. They offered comfort when I needed it most. I am grateful to friends like Fala, Gbayode, Abimbola, Tosin (Imoru), and many others who stood by me with unwavering strength.
My Christian faith background was a rock during this time. But I also found wisdom in the Buddhist philosophy. It taught me to separate life from achievements and accept the sorrows that come with being human. This idea, about finding joy in helping others, became a guide for me. It showed me how our lives are connected and why compassion is key in navigating life's challenges.
In the midst of my grief, I found solace in my work. Pouring myself into my work became a way to cope with the loss of my mother. In 2023, my team and I achieved great things. We launched several apps and introduced generative AI to our customers. I honed my frontend skills and revived my Python expertise. I even built a Python Library for LLM and spoke at Datafest. Being the only African/Black member of the global engineering team at the Innovation Studio fills me with pride. This year marks my fourth anniversary with IBM, a journey from Lagos to a key role in the global team.
Looking back, 2023 was a year of contrasts. The loss of my mother was a heavy shadow, but the warmth of family, friends, and my work achievements lit the way forward.
This year has been a delicate dance of pain and joy, revealing the resilience of the human spirit and the unwavering power of love, even in the face of profound loss.
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